the_baffler (the_baffler) wrote in teen_council,


Today I was making a left-hand turn en route to my father's house for Sunday dinner when out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a flash of white in the driver's seat of an adjacent car. Twisting around to get a better view, I confirmed my suspicions. "NECK BRACE!", I cried out. What better way to get mentally ready for the upcoming work week than with such a positive omen? Yes, my friends, neck braces truly are the comical prop of the past century for the discriminating man or woman. Let's explore a few different looks.

Here, we have "The Professor". Tasteful and refined, TP's only flair is its attractive corkscrew texture.

This next neckbrace could save your life. See how this woman is impervious to the strangulation attempt coming at her from the back seat? Yes, even the "fireman" will assume she's already dead and leave her be thanks to "The Decoy"!

Sometimes, we crackers need to differentiate ourselves from the crowd. What better way to distance yourself from the pack than with a Ron Scarpa Signature Model? Get ready to laugh at all those OTHER goddamn motherfuckers with their Plain Jane neckwear!

In Tokyo, businessmen are often so eager to catch a few hours of shut-eye that they stay the night in roll-out cubbyholes not much larger than the "corpse drawers" at morgues. Here in America, however, we know that taking a well deserved nap (before your second shift at Bouncers) doesn't have to be such a chore. Thank you, "Sleepyhead".

This next model is a favorite in the haute couture environment of the Paris elite. Sure to "turn heads" everywhere you go, Sparco's "Blue Devil" is hugely popular: perhaps not for function, but certainly for form... and fun!

Nowadays, it seems like neckbrace designers are just too darn concerned with comfort. They forget what's fun about 'em in the first place - CURVES! When you're ready to step up to a fast-look, no nonsense 'brace in your face, "The Stormtrooper" is ready. Zooooooooom!

Why shouldn't you demand more out of your neckbrace? Sick of the same old models your grandparents wore? Of course you are! Well, meet "The Genius". Although not detectable in this photograph, The Genius utilizes innovative technology to scroll the day's up-to-the-minute news, sports, and financial data right across the sweet spot on your neck. Be prepared to make some new friends, though. Strangers are sure to be glued to your neck wherever you go!

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